The depression is creeping back again. If I knew why, I'd do something to fix it and make it go away.
My husband and son have noticed that I am sleeping a lot more these days. Like all the time I don't have anything else specific to do...it is a Red Flag. I see my doctor this afternoon to discuss the situation. I know that there is no magic wand that he can wave to make things better. I just hope that the climb up and out isn't too difficult this time.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
dearest and best...
I have been writing this one in my head for a month now...9/11 made me misty and brought all kinds of memories up through the layers of consciousness...Stubble's approaching 20th birthday sealed it. One decade, gone. Two decades, gone. When did it happen and what was I doing.
My friend who used to be a college roommate died 11 months ago. She had battled non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for over 10 years - through remissions and recurrences. I knew from a note that she sent, that the cancer had come back. Again. I had known for years that I would find out about her death when one of my Christmas letters came back unopened...still, it came as a shock to get last year's Christmas card back with the word "deceased" written across the front.
After I moved across the country, we rarely were in touch. We didn't exchange phone calls or email. She didn't sent Christmas greetings, but I know from getting together the few times that I have gone back, that she loved getting mine. The few times we were together, it was as if we had never been apart. I only saw her 3 times after moving, yet I still considered her my "best friend".
Maybe it was because she was my "Thursday night "girl's night out"" for dinner and a movie every week until I moved. Maybe it was because she was the one who was my sounding board as I made the decision to move from childless by choice to mother. Maybe it was because we shared the journey through undergrad. Maybe it was because I went along as moral support on her first job interview and the subsequent apartment hunt when the interview was successful - I have never known a teacher to go on an interview and be asked to do a second interview with the school board president that same day and who was offered a job on the spot. Maybe it was because and it was my kittens who kept her from sleeping for most of one summer by chewing on her ears and hair (she DID insist on the bed by the window...). Whatever the reason, she had moved on with her life and probably had a new dearest and best friend, but I didn't. And I am deeply sad knowing that she is no longer there, ready for dinner and a movie when I return.
All of these thoughts have made me sloppy and sentimental over the last month and I have googled many people from my past. Yes, it is a little strange...but if I hadn't done the googling, I wouldn't know that:
And for all the rest of you: all the best for your future..you are in my heart and my mind - and I miss you all. Even as I move forward.
My friend who used to be a college roommate died 11 months ago. She had battled non-Hodgkins Lymphoma for over 10 years - through remissions and recurrences. I knew from a note that she sent, that the cancer had come back. Again. I had known for years that I would find out about her death when one of my Christmas letters came back unopened...still, it came as a shock to get last year's Christmas card back with the word "deceased" written across the front.
After I moved across the country, we rarely were in touch. We didn't exchange phone calls or email. She didn't sent Christmas greetings, but I know from getting together the few times that I have gone back, that she loved getting mine. The few times we were together, it was as if we had never been apart. I only saw her 3 times after moving, yet I still considered her my "best friend".
Maybe it was because she was my "Thursday night "girl's night out"" for dinner and a movie every week until I moved. Maybe it was because she was the one who was my sounding board as I made the decision to move from childless by choice to mother. Maybe it was because we shared the journey through undergrad. Maybe it was because I went along as moral support on her first job interview and the subsequent apartment hunt when the interview was successful - I have never known a teacher to go on an interview and be asked to do a second interview with the school board president that same day and who was offered a job on the spot. Maybe it was because and it was my kittens who kept her from sleeping for most of one summer by chewing on her ears and hair (she DID insist on the bed by the window...). Whatever the reason, she had moved on with her life and probably had a new dearest and best friend, but I didn't. And I am deeply sad knowing that she is no longer there, ready for dinner and a movie when I return.
All of these thoughts have made me sloppy and sentimental over the last month and I have googled many people from my past. Yes, it is a little strange...but if I hadn't done the googling, I wouldn't know that:
- our friend the real estate agent who sold us our first house and her husband have retired and moved to the northeast.
- I wouldn't know that my former voice teacher has recorded two CD's (I now own one called Across Time - which is wonderful). And she wouldn't have replied to my email with one of her own thanking me for getting in touch and reminding her of why she teaches.
- I wouldn't know that a friend who lost her husband (also our friend) much too soon, remarried and had another child.
- I wouldn't have read my dearest and best friend's obituary - which caused me to smile and remember - her great love of tennis, her wicked sense of humor, and her deep reverence for family.
And for all the rest of you: all the best for your future..you are in my heart and my mind - and I miss you all. Even as I move forward.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Hey, Mr. Producer!
Mr. Vietti and his violin can speak for themselves, thank you very much. They don't need hip hop or rap to grab attention. They can do that all by themselves!
We first saw Josh Vietti on Santa Monica's Third Street Promenade. He was one of the street music acts one evening and we came away with an appreciation for his showmanship and a CD (Modern Symphony 2010 )Josh Vietti's music appeals to all of us: Stubble the heavy metal headbanger, Bearded One the jazz aficionado, and me - the hip hop/rap, country, folk, rock'n'roll, classical loving "older" person who skews the curve.
His latest, "Street Violin", was downloaded over the weekend and we all agree that it is another winner...we really enjoy it. We just all agree that the experience would be just fine without the "vocal enhancements" that are included on Street Violin.
Josh Vietti plays a mean violin with a heavy and energetic backbeat. "Modern Symphony" includes versions of Fur Elise and Canon in D, arranged by Josh. "Street Violin" includes no "mainstream" classics, rearranged or otherwise but is still a wonderful listen.
We first saw Josh Vietti on Santa Monica's Third Street Promenade. He was one of the street music acts one evening and we came away with an appreciation for his showmanship and a CD (Modern Symphony 2010 )Josh Vietti's music appeals to all of us: Stubble the heavy metal headbanger, Bearded One the jazz aficionado, and me - the hip hop/rap, country, folk, rock'n'roll, classical loving "older" person who skews the curve.
His latest, "Street Violin", was downloaded over the weekend and we all agree that it is another winner...we really enjoy it. We just all agree that the experience would be just fine without the "vocal enhancements" that are included on Street Violin.
Josh Vietti plays a mean violin with a heavy and energetic backbeat. "Modern Symphony" includes versions of Fur Elise and Canon in D, arranged by Josh. "Street Violin" includes no "mainstream" classics, rearranged or otherwise but is still a wonderful listen.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Little Things
Sometimes it is making sure that the two granola bars are supplemented with an apple and a bag of wheat thins - and a "Don't forget your snack!" as she heads off to her evening English class.
Sometimes it is staying up to watch the Miss Universe pageant with her even though it is past your way too early bedtime.
Sometimes it is cutting up a bowl of fruit to supplement the previous "snack" before you head off to bed.
It is doing these things instead of offering the hugs that you really want to supply.
Sometimes it is staying up to watch the Miss Universe pageant with her even though it is past your way too early bedtime.
Sometimes it is cutting up a bowl of fruit to supplement the previous "snack" before you head off to bed.
It is doing these things instead of offering the hugs that you really want to supply.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Students!
Students! Or, more accurately, Student Workers! The are a blessing in that we couldn't get our jobs done without them. They are a curse in that the are Students FIRST!
You can't manage them the way that you would an ordinary worker. When a student worker is scheduled for 2 hours per day on Tuesday and Thursday, and doesn't show up you have to assume that there is a study session or a test the next day. You can't just say, "You weren't here. You're fired." That tactic would leave you struggling on alone with no help at all.
When the absent worker appears on FRIDAY morning - you have to look at it as if they are keeping their part of the bargain. They promised that they would give you 4 hours and you are getting 4 hours - it just isn't on YOUR time table.
This morning I was expecting to train two new workers. I had set aside time in my day to spend in the lab with them. I would be teaching them something new. Something that they will need to be able to do alone in a few weeks.
I get to the lab this morning. Tuesday/Thursday's missing worker is on task - doing the job that had been set aside for the expected Friday workers. She already knows how to do this task and she is doing it correctly and efficiently. The other two do not know how to do this task. By the time they get here it will be done. When they need to do this in the future, I may not have the time in the lab that I can dedicate to them exclusively.
As soon as I finish writing this I will spend the next little time at my desk trying to figure out something for the two new workers to do that will teach them something that will make them more productive, independant workers in the future...
Grrrrrrr.
You can't manage them the way that you would an ordinary worker. When a student worker is scheduled for 2 hours per day on Tuesday and Thursday, and doesn't show up you have to assume that there is a study session or a test the next day. You can't just say, "You weren't here. You're fired." That tactic would leave you struggling on alone with no help at all.
When the absent worker appears on FRIDAY morning - you have to look at it as if they are keeping their part of the bargain. They promised that they would give you 4 hours and you are getting 4 hours - it just isn't on YOUR time table.
This morning I was expecting to train two new workers. I had set aside time in my day to spend in the lab with them. I would be teaching them something new. Something that they will need to be able to do alone in a few weeks.
I get to the lab this morning. Tuesday/Thursday's missing worker is on task - doing the job that had been set aside for the expected Friday workers. She already knows how to do this task and she is doing it correctly and efficiently. The other two do not know how to do this task. By the time they get here it will be done. When they need to do this in the future, I may not have the time in the lab that I can dedicate to them exclusively.
As soon as I finish writing this I will spend the next little time at my desk trying to figure out something for the two new workers to do that will teach them something that will make them more productive, independant workers in the future...
Grrrrrrr.
What Kind Am I?
I write about my kids (both birth and foster) but I'm not a "Mommy Blogger".
I do not write for my family.
I write about my job occasionally but I'm not an "Education Blogger".
I muse philosophically or (hopefully) humorously from time to time.
I tell stories from my past occasionally.
I write about our cats, but I'm not a member of the "Cat Blogosphere".
Mostly, lately, I seem to be telling of our (troublesome) raccoons:
I guess that makes me a "Raccoon Blogger".
Is there a category for that?
I do not write for my family.
I write about my job occasionally but I'm not an "Education Blogger".
I muse philosophically or (hopefully) humorously from time to time.
I tell stories from my past occasionally.
I write about our cats, but I'm not a member of the "Cat Blogosphere".
Mostly, lately, I seem to be telling of our (troublesome) raccoons:
I guess that makes me a "Raccoon Blogger".
Is there a category for that?
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